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When emigrating also hurts: understanding and coping with migratory grief

10/29/20262 min read

Starting a life in another country can bring excitement, opportunities and a desire to discover new things. But it can also hurt. Sometimes we miss our family, our customs, our language or even small things, like shopping in the neighbourhood we’ve always known. That discomfort can be mistaken for stress or homesickness, but it can also be part of migratory grief: an emotional response to the losses and changes that come with leaving a familiar place behind.

A grief we don’t always recognise

When we think of grief, we usually associate it with the death of a loved one. However, we can also feel it in response to other significant losses. When we emigrate, we may stay in touch with the people we love and be able to visit our home country, but the everyday life we knew is no longer within reach in the same way. That mix can make it hard to put a name to what we’re feeling.

We may also think: “I chose to come here, so I shouldn’t complain” or “other people have it worse.” But having made a decision doesn’t erase sadness, nor does it oblige you to feel grateful all the time. You can be happy about an opportunity and, at the same time, deeply miss what you left behind. Both emotions can coexist.

Migratory grief can show up as tiredness, irritability, a sense of loneliness, difficulty concentrating or a wish to withdraw. It can also surface at unexpected moments: a family meal, a traditional celebration or a conversation in your own language. There’s no single way to experience it, and no exact timeline for “getting over it.”

What can help you cope

To begin with, try to acknowledge what you miss without judging yourself. Putting it into words (in a journal, talking to someone or simply identifying what you’re missing) can make a feeling that seemed confusing easier to understand. Ask yourself what that loss represents: security, belonging, closeness, routine? Understanding this allows you to look for ways to meet that need in your current life.

Keeping ties with your home country can be comforting. Scheduling calls with family, cooking a familiar recipe or celebrating an important date helps maintain a meaningful connection. At the same time, it’s worth creating small rituals in your new place: exploring the neighbourhood, finding a spot you enjoy or sharing a meal with people you trust. It’s not about replacing one life with another, but about making room for both.

Looking for community also helps. A cultural group, a shared activity or a friend you can talk to without having to explain every detail can reduce isolation. And remember to take care of the basics: sleep, eat regularly, move a little and set aside time to rest. In times of change, these simple routines offer some stability.

When to ask for support

If the distress becomes very intense, lasts a long time or interferes with your daily life, talking to a mental health professional can be helpful. If possible, look for someone with experience in migration and adaptation processes. Asking for help doesn’t mean you’ve failed or that you can’t build a new life; it means you don’t have to go through this process alone.

Emigrating can open doors and also close chapters. Making space for grief doesn’t mean you have to keep looking back forever: it can help you make sense of what you’ve lived through and move forward with more kindness towards yourself.